Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
