Please, let me fuck your mom
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
