Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
