Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
she smelled like a LAN party
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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