i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
