I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
