Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
