well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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