Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
