I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
