Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm sobbing to NWA
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
