She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
