I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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