R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
