And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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