I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
