I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
