The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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