Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
