Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
