Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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