Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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