so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
