Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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