I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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