His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.