Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
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looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
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Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.