i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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