i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
