is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
