You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
