does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
