First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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