ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
