I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
