Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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