I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
