Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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