do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
