guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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