Im at strip club and am horny
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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