I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
