when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
