somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
