I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
