I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
