Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
