Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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