i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
