dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
