Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
