My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
