I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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