Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
