dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
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So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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