We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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