I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I think i got beer on your cat.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
