Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
