Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Welp...herpes.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
