EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
