Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
