My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
